she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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