Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
