she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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