I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
