I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
In other news, I just burned my penis
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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