Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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