Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize