I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Pants are for mortals
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
