I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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