my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
