FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
