It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
