Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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