Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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