I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
