I have demons in me.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
