You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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