I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
this is an emotional support booty call
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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