just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
