I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
