the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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