She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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