The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
