At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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