I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
