Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
