who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
