She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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