My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
