at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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