Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
