I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
