someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
