so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize