On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
