Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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