i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This is the high leading the old right now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
