i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
