it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
