Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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