Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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