69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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