i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
