I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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