What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
