my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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