If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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