if you like me you must not know who I am
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
