i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
