don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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