The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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