No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
