Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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