you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
