I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
