im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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