Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
