I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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