Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
