Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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