could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
