Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
