Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
