Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
