I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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