i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
