you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
