I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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