I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
